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From "The Book of Kavvanot"
After the peak experience of Shavuot the fall begins. Thus our spiritual immaturity, our confusion over what is True and False, Good and Evil, our hunger for a god, our thirst for meaning can lead us in the wrong direction.
The month of Av is one of the few months that has a Hebrew name. (All the others are ancient Babylonian gods.) And what does "Av" mean? It means father. This is the month of the Father. It is complimentary to Shavuot in Sivan which is the Mother festival. Av occurs during the hottest month when the sun scorches the earth. The Father is symbolized by the sun. In the dream of Joseph in which the eleven stars, sun and moon bow down to him, the stars are his brothers, the moon his mother and the sun his father. Tisha B'Av is the time when the Father's anger burns the fiercest, when it destroys his own sanctuary, scatters his children, lays waste to the earth. How do we reconcile ourselves to our father's anger, to our anger as fathers, and to the anger of our Father, our King? Can we make space to allow healing?
God threatened to 'hide his face', to be presently absent, to be around but not quite here. Like some of our fathers.
On Tisha B'Av we recognize the lose of the Shehinah, the Female aspect of God, the closeness of the Divine. The final meal is eaten alone for it is said that the Shehinah rests in the presence of three. In the morning the Tallit (prayer shawl) is not worn (the only day of the year that this occurs) because the Tallit is symbolic of the Cloud of Glory - the Shehinah.
The generation of the Children of Israel that left Egypt were condemned to die in the Wilderness. How did this happen? Each year on Tisha B'Av the entire people dug their own graves and lay in them the whole night long. In the morning 15,000 failed to arise. The graves were covered over and the survivors moved on. This continued for 37 years. Tisha B'Av is about descending into the grave and ascending reborn.
The Beit HaMikdash was the heart of the Jewish people, the heart of Jewish ritual, the heart of Judaism. At the heart of the Mikdash was the Holy of Holies - the point where Heaven and Earth joined, where the Divine Presence was most immanent, from whence the source of Divine Compassion flowed.
With the destruction of the physical Mikdash, the spiritual Mikdash became hidden. On Tisha B'Av we grieve for this loss.
With hiddenness came exile - exile from the Land, exile from Nature, exile from the source of our vitality, exile from our bodies. On Tisha B'Av we grieve for these losses.
And what is true for the Cosmos, is true for the People. And what is true for the People, is true for you and me.
On Tisha B'Av we grieve for our own hidden heart - for losing heart. We grieve for all the losses in our lives that have caused the flow of compassion to be restricted; for the distance between ourselves and the World, between ourselves and the Divine, between ourselves and ourselves.
On Tisha B'Av we grieve for all loss. On Tisha B'Av we can penetrate the hiddenness, go through the pain, and reconnect with the Heart, with hope and with joy.
On Tisha B'Av we can touch our own redemption, our own Mashiach. And what is true for you and me, is true for the People, and what is true for the People, is true for the Cosmos.
When we were born our hearts were totally open, totally vulnerable. No fear of the past, no worry of the future. Just living in the present moment rollicking in the trillion wonders of the world. But as we began to lose things, whether it was our favourite toy - broken; our pet dog - run away; our dreams - shattered; our virginity - lost; our lovers - abandoned; our spouse - left; our jobs - fired; our youth - gone; our comrade - dead; our health - shattered; our hairline - receded; our wealth - spent; our days - ending; our hearts become shielded from the pain with layers upon layers of armor plating. We move out of our hearts and into our heads. It's safer there - less vulnerable, less open, less loving. Exiled from our heart because of the fear of pain.
To come back in we need to grieve, to penetrate those layers of memories of pain. To die into the moment of our own being. This is the gift of Tisha B'Av.
It took me seven years to remarry. Not because it took me that long to find a suitable partner but because I wasn't prepared to take the risk of being hurt again. It took me seven years to come back into my heart and risk loving and being loved. It was so painful being out of my heart.
What do you need to let 'die-off' to be more alive?
It is related that in the basement of the Novarodok Yeshivah in Brooklyn there was a coffin. It was expected that each student spend a night there.*
On Tisha B'Av there is the practice to sleep on the floor or with a stone under the pillow. This is your grave.
It is also a reminder of the destruction of the Temples.
On Tisha B'Av five practices are forbidden: eating, drinking, sexual relations, anointing the body with perfumes, and the wearing of leather shoes. This is the same list of prohibitions as on Yom Kippur. So what is the difference? Yom Kippur they help us transcend the material world and rise up as angels. On Tisha B'Av they remind us of our own mortality.
In preparation for the fast a final meal is eaten while sitting on the floor. A hard boiled egg concludes the meal. What is the symbolism of an egg? The shell of the egg is the klippah (shell) around our hearts. Break it with mindfulness. The egg is dipped into ashes and eaten. Ashes are the symbol of death in many cultures.
Suggestion: write a list of what you are prepared to let die so that you may live more fully; include all those losses that you haven't yet grieved for. Read over the list. Carefully burn it in a metal container (aluminum baking tin). Touch the ashes with your fingers. Smear your forehead with them (also performed at wedding ceremonies). Dip the egg in them and then eat the egg. It's only carbon - the building block of life.
How could the Generation of the Wilderness have had such little faith after having witnessed and experienced so much? There are those that say that they were on such a high spiritual level that they didn't wish to come down to ground and get their hands dirty with the grind of daily life. That, in my opinion, would indicate NOT being on a particularly high spiritual rung; in fact the very opposite. So what went wrong? A metaphor: Imagine living in a room full of exercise machines designed and tuned to exactly your level of fitness and ability. When you have completed all the exercises in this room you pass through a door into the next room where almost similar devices exist but are now tuned to your more advanced level. And so it goes on. But one day, you decide to skip some of the routines and go straight for the door leading to the next level. Before opening you spy out the new level by looking through the key hole. And what to you see? Such brightness, such beauty. And Giants!! The room is occupied by other people of such fitness, such stature that you seem like a grasshopper in your own eyes not to mention their eyes. Surely if you were to pass through now you would never survive, that room would eat you up. Horrified, and ignoring the assurance of your trainer, you withdraw convinced that that level is not for you. You return to your exercise machines. Many years later, having fulfilled the requirements of the room you arrive at the same door. Passing through, the giants no longer seem to be so overwhelming for now you have grown; and the room doesn't seem to be so bright and awesome because you have strengthened. And so you work your way through that room towards the next.
The Talmud relates many reasons that brought on the destruction of the Temple the most severe one being causeless hatred (Sinat Hinam). From where do such sentiments originate? In Numbers XX we read how the Children of Israel prepared to travel from Mount Sinai to the Promised Land. After two years of encampment that encompassed: receiving the Ten Commandments, creating and worshipping the Golden Calf, its destruction together with those that identified with it, repentance, and then the building of the Holy Tabernacle; it was time to move. It was to be a miraculous journey - the Clouds of Glory, the Pillar of Fire, the Manna, the tribes marching in formation, the Holy Ark carried by the Priests, and God's promise of protection. And then the moment they started moving (verse XX), without even a break, "And the People began murmuring..." not even complaining (hitlonanim), just murmuring (hitonanim). You know, they way we do so regularly, so easily. It would be like inviting friends to a meal. While you're in the kitchen preparing the salad they begin to murmur amongst themselves that its taking a long time, that the soup was nice but ..., that the decor is pleasant but ..., that it's wonderful to have been invited but ... This is the Spirit of Murmuring. It acknowledges the good but subtly begins to build negativity, laying the ground for open complaining, "And the People complained - we want meat" (XXX). This led onto the accusations of Aaron and Miriam against their brother Moshe's life-style, and their reprimand by God (XXX). Which is follow by the story of the Spies, their lack of faith, the accusations against the Land, and the shedding of baseless tears, resulting in the condemnation of that entire generation to die in the Wilderness. The next story concerns the open revolt by Korah blinded by jealousy and hate for the elected leadership, and his death by being "eaten alive by the Earth." And it all started with those innocent murmurings.
The Spirit of Murmurings acts to distract us from the true pain, from the true source of our loneliness, from finding the true path of our salvation.
Stop unconditional hate (Sinat Hinam)!! Start unconditional love (Ahavat Hinam)!!
In the afternoon of Tisha B'Av the atmosphere begins to change. The energy of the day shifts from grief and mourning to comfort and awakening joy. According to our mythology the Messiah is born on the afternoon of Tisha B'Av. Our healing emerges from our willingness to reenter our heart. Redemption starts at home.
After evening prayers the blessing for the New Moon is customarily said. It should have been declared the previous Saturday night but is delayed. The Moon is female energy and is blessed as the healing of the Wild Male energy of the day.
A vision: can you imagine if the entire world would, for one day, sit on the floor weeping , grieving and fasting for the suffering that we have inflicted upon each other and the planet? One day when we recognize the humanity of others, that they suffer as we suffer? Not like now were we have our day when we lower our flags for our dead, and on another day they lower their flags for their dead. But a day when we ALL lower our flags for those that have been killed and maimed. With no finger pointing, no accusations, no guilt, no because we were right, no because we have rights, no because you're white, or black, or red or Tibetan, or Jewish, or Native whatever, no because you're different, no because you gave me no choice, no because you really deserved it. Just grieving the pain and our collective loss of heart. Can you imagine? Surely that would be the birth of the messiah. (Please accept this as an open challenge.)
The Shabbat following Tisha B'Av the section VeEtchanan (Deut. 4-7) is read. This portion contains a repetition of the Ten Commandments and the Shema Yisrael - the declaration of faith in the One God. What is the connection between Tisha B'Av and these chapters? As our relationship with the Divine is renewed so is our commitment and the articles of faith. Tu B'Av (The Fifteenth of Av) is the traditional day of love. It comes as a direct consequence of Tisha B'Av. It is a full moon - the female energy of compassion now fully flows. The anger of the Father has dissipated and healing of the relationship can now begin.
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